How to Overcome Feeling Guilty Around Food

Introduction

Do you ever sit down to eat and feel a wave of guilt crash over you? Do you make a meal plan and go grocery shopping, but feel like you aren’t “doing health right”? Have you found yourself hyper-focused on what others are eating and judging yourself based on their choices? This experience of feeling guilty around food is a very common struggle.

Feeling guilty around food is an invisible burden that many of us carry. It turns what should be a nourishing experience into one tangled with shame, confusion, or second-guessing. If you have struggled with food guilt, you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. Constantly feeling guilty about eating is no way to live. Second-guessing every food decision and feeling like you are never eating right is exhausting and debilitating. 

Feeling guilty around food isn’t a sign that you need to change your eating, but it is a sign that you need to examine how you think and feel about your eating. 

First, let’s explore where this feeling of food guilt comes from, and then let’s talk about how to build a simple foundation to leave the guilt behind and finally eat with confidence.

Why Food Guilt Feels So Hard to Shake

Feeling guilty around food isn’t an in-born experience. It is a learned mental model that is shaped by external influences. We slowly collect opinions, advice, rules, and judgments through the course of our lives, and they meld together to shape our overall mindset toward food. Here are some of those influences, and how they may be contributing to food guilt.

How we think about our bodies

When we directly tie what we eat to how we look, even though there are plenty of other factors, we can’t talk about food guilt without addressing our relationships with our bodies. If you have deeply internalized the belief that your body should be a different size or shape than it is, you will analyze food choices based on how they affect the size or shape of your body. 

To see if this is something you are experiencing, ask yourself this question: If I could eat anything and everything I wanted and my body was its ideal shape and size, would I still feel guilty around food? If the answer is no, this might be your biggest source of guilt.

How we compare our eating to others

When we don’t trust our ability to make good decisions, we start comparing ourselves to others to determine if we are doing things right. When we are eating differently from others, we feel guilty because we are uncomfortable with our choices not matching up with other people. If this happens only with specific people, we may have insecurity, comparison, and judgment within that relationship that needs to be addressed.

To see if this is something you are experiencing, ask yourself this question: Do I significantly change my eating habits in the presence of other people? What am I trying to accomplish when I do this, and what do I think they think about me based on my food choices?

How we tie our self-worth to eating

If we think that eating a certain way makes us a better person, we will always feel guilty if we are not eating perfectly. Some people think that the ability to follow a very strict diet makes them more disciplined. They may think that not eating certain foods makes them morally superior. Some people think that the cleaner their diet is, the purer they are. When these deeply engrained beliefs of our very identity are based on our food choices, we will deeply struggle with food. 

To see if this is something you are experiencing, ask yourself this question: If I weren’t able to follow my definition of the perfect diet, what would that mean about me as a person?

How We Relate with control and rules

How we eat is very much tied to how we relate to rules and authority. People either seem to aggressively resist authority, unquestionably submit to it, or grasp for control. If you find yourself eating based on a list of rules you have inherited from others, you may be struggling with autonomy in your eating. If you eat out of rebellion against those rules, you have a different problem with authority. Alternatively, if you have to hyper-control all of your food decisions as a way to have control over yourself, that is another way of relating to autonomy. 

To see if this is something you are experiencing, ask yourself these questions: Who determined the way that I eat most of the time? Am I eating to please someone, or to show them they can’t tell me what to do? If it were my choice, would I choose to care for my body, or control it?

How We Relate to Perfectionism

If you have read my post about breaking free from toxic perfectionism, you know that it is not your friend. When we think of food in such a rigid way, we think that there is just one way to do it right. This just isn’t the case. If there were only one way to eat, we would all be wrong. We have to move on from feeling like we will one day ‘get it right’, and instead look at how we can best nourish ourselves one meal at a time, one day at a time, and one season at a time.

To see if this is something you are experiencing, ask yourself these questions: Do I think there is one right way to eat? Have I defined that right way, or am I always changing diets or second-guessing myself? Do I believe that a single imperfect food choice means that I’ve failed and need to start over completely?

The Real Reasons Letting Go of Food Guilt Feels Scary

By asking yourself the above questions, you now have a better idea of the roots behind your food guilt. There may be one predominant root, or a be a combination of all of them. That is totally valid, we have so many meanings woven into our food decisions. 

Food guilt rarely stems from the food itself, it is from all the meaning that we attach to it and the stories we tell about ourselves. Let’s dig into some lingering fears that remain even once we have identified the underlying reasons behind the guilt we feel when we make food decisions. 

Fear of Body Changes

If you have body image struggles, you may feel guilty about eating, feel guilty about how eating affects your body, and you might even feel guilty about feeling guilty about your body. Whew, that’s a lot to carry around with you all the time. The fear of your body changing is often linked to the fear of judgment or the fear of losing control. Perhaps your body has become a visual measure of your health, your worth, your commitment, your self-discipline. A shift in the body is a big threat. You are more than what you eat.

To be completely honest, I can’t claim to have overcome this struggle yet. The most helpful thing I have found is by framing every food decision by asking: What is the most nourishing and supportive thing I can do to care for my body right now? This generally keeps me from going to any extremes with food decisions, and keeps me focused on supporting my body as an ally instead of trying to manipulate it and treat it like the enemy. 

Fear of Losing Health Progress

If you have used strict dietary control to manage your health, it is completely valid that you would have strong feelings about eating outside of that strategy. You may have worked hard to reverse symptoms, hit fitness goals, manage a chronic condition, or get your labs in an ideal range. It’s reasonable to fear that flexibility will undo everything, and in some cases, there may be truth to that. This intentionality may have helped you overcome a major health setback. You probably view every eating decision as a high-stakes situation. However, this may be an unnecessarily rigid mindset that leads to constantly feeling like you are one decision away from completely falling apart. 

To challenge this, imagine that you were giving advice to a friend with the same health status as you. Would you tell them that their health is that fragile? And would you tell them that they had to be perfect to be healthy? Would you ignore all their other efforts toward health that go beyond what’s on their plate? If you are treating yourself differently from that friend, spend a little time exploring why that may be, and then take your own advice. 

Fear of Losing Your Health Identity

If being “the healthy one” is part of your identity, it makes a lot of sense that you would struggle with eating outside of your norm. We feel cognitive dissonance when we act outside our values and identity, and we can create friction when eating, when our health choices are part of that identity. Easing up on rigid habits feels like letting go of what makes you who you are, and you might be worried about losing your purpose, your community, or your status and recognition.

Who are you without your healthy habits? What are you pursuing that provides value to others and adds meaning to your life? What does being healthy really mean to you? In 50 years, what do you want to be known for?

Reframing Peace With Food Without Losing Your Health

• Reframe health as a relationship with your body rather than a report card
• You can make progress in your health without perfect adherence to a set of rules
• You can treat your body with respect, regardless of how you feel about it 
• Learn how to transition your rigid rules into supportive structures
• Allow your body’s signals and biofeedback to inform your decisions
• Use data as a tool, but not as a judge

Reflection Questions to Help Transform Your Food Guilt Into Empowerment

• What beliefs about food am I ready to question?
• How is my past still shaping my current food habits in unhelpful ways?
• What would trusting my body look like in this season of life?
• Where do I need more structure, and where do I need more flexibility?

Your Path To Freedom

I hope that you are encouraged to explore a relationship with food that is joyful, sustainable, and self-respecting. There isn’t one clear path, but you can start walking in the right direction starting today. Slowly unpacking the beliefs and fears behind your food guilt brings awareness to what is holding you back. There is a path forward that doesn’t require you to abandon your health, and you don’t have to choose between structure and freedom.

Your fears and struggles with food are human and normal, and they are rooted in well-meaning intentions. You want to do the best you can for your health. You want to feel good in your body. And, you want to feel confident that you are making the right choice. These good things may have gone too far, but you can create ease and peace and find a good middle ground moving forward.

Your body is more resilient than you give it credit for. Most of the time, one single choice doesn’t define you or drastically alter your health. You can be healthy without being hyper-vigilant. This level of control often introduces enough stress to counteract the benefit of your discipline.

You are allowed to change. You are not defined by what you eat, what you don’t eat, and how your body looks. Each season can invite you to experience food differently, and you can honor those unique news without having to uproot your entire identity. You are more than your food choices, and you don’t need to feel guilty when they change.

Conclusion

You are so much more than your struggles with food, and you shouldn’t be defined by your guilt. You deserve an abundant, nourishing relationship with food, and it is just on the other side. By bringing awareness to the root of the guilt, by acknowledging lingering fears, by challenging your beliefs, and by building a nourishing balance of structure and flexibility, you will finally overcome this struggle. One day, not too long from now, you’ll look down at a plate of your very favorite food, and guilt will be the last thing on your mind. 

Now, I’d love to hear from you: what belief around food are you ready to start challenging? Share in the comment section below!

Wishing you well,

Meghan